Posted: 7/29/2019 | July 29th, 2019
I was recently gifted the sci-fi thriller Dark Matter. Without giving too much away, the book revolves around the idea of a multiverse, where every possible outcome of a decision plays out — and each decision thereafter creates another split and so forth and so forth. It’s an infinite multiverse of all the possible outcomes of every decision you could ever make.
But, to me, it’s really a book about regret.
It’s about wondering what would have happened if you had followed the road not taken.
Where would you be if you had stayed with that girl, taken that job, or moved to that new city? Would you be happier as a result?
We map out how we hope our life will unfold.
First this, then that, then this, then that.
But life never unfolds the way we imagine it will. Life isn’t like writing a novel where you can plot out how things will end and ensure the characters behave as you want. Every decision you — and those around — make throughout the day shifts the direction of your life.
Life is what happens when you are busy making plans.
One day, we wake up and find we’re far off from the path we had hoped to traverse. We took a different job; broke up with that girl; suffered a health issue, family death, or financial disaster; moved somewhere new; decided to go back to school; or met someone who inspired us to travel the world.
A million and one things can pull us off the path we envisioned.
When you look back on the whole of your life, it’s easy to see where you deviated from the path you laid out for yourself. You can see the pivotal choices and moments that changed your life for good or ill.
What would have happened if my friend Scott had never convinced me to go to Thailand all those years ago?
Or if I had missed that bus in Chiang Mai where I met those backpackers who ended up inspiring my trip around the world?
What if I had never started this blog?
What would have happened if I had stayed in Taiwan with my girlfriend all those years ago?
Humans are really good at wondering about what might have been. We tend to look at our life in retrospect and judge our past actions by where we are now.
But when we’re in our life, you don’t see the grand vision. We’re just trying to get through the day as best we can. We’re thinking about the tasks at hand — the meeting in an hour, the laundry that needs to be picked up later, what we’re going to make for dinner — not the big picture.
Our brains aren’t hardwired for that kind of thinking.
For all our big talk about how humanity is different because we can think about the future, we’re often just like other animals: only seeing the moment right in front of us.
***
When I moved to Paris, I had big goals. I was going to meet people, attend influencer and tourism events, sightsee every day, and live that #bestlife.
Yet through long lunches and bottles of wine with friends and long days writing my new book, and by catching up on sleep and hosting a lot of friends, I strayed far from those original plans. Looking back, I did little of what I originally planned to do.
In a sense, I failed.
And I could easily look back with regret and wonder what would have happened if I had done what I had planned to do. What would I have learned about the city? Who would I have met?
But then I think back to Dark Matters and the question that sets the whole book in motion:
“Are you happy with your life?”
It’s such a simple but powerful question.
Beyond all the daily complaints and frustrations and minor annoyances, how often do we really ask such a deep and fundamental question?
“Are you happy with your life?”
Day to day, it’s easy to lose sight of the big picture. To never see the forest through the trees. To look back and think of the goals we made that we never reached.
But what we do every day is a reflection of our values and our goals.
If you’ve lived your values every day, haven’t you really reached those goals?
When you zoom out and ask yourself if you’re happy with your life, what do you say?
We get twenty-four hours to make the right choice.
And if we fail, we get to wake up and try again.
I wouldn’t trade those long meals and writing sessions or those quiet nights in for anything. They helped create a sense of balance in my life the first time in a long time.
When I look back at the what-ifs and see the choices I made, I can’t really regret them — because they brought me to where I am today.
And, when you’re happy with your life, how can you really regret the path that brought you there – even if it’s not the exact one you planned?
P.S. – I just released a new book! It’s called “Ten Years a Nomad” and it’s about my ten years backpacking the world and the lessons I learned from it. It features tons of stories I’ve never told on this blog and is a book that delves into the why of travel! Click here to learn more, grab your copy today, and meet me on my book tour!
Book Your Trip: Logistical Tips and Tricks
Book Your Flight
Find a cheap flight by using Skyscanner or Momondo. They are my two favorite search engines because they search websites and airlines around the globe so you always know no stone is left unturned.
Book Your Accommodation
You can book your hostel with Hostelworld. If you want to stay somewhere other than a hostel, use Booking.com as they consistently return the cheapest rates for guesthouses and cheap hotels. I use them all the time.
Don’t Forget Travel Insurance
Travel insurance will protect you against illness, injury, theft, and cancellations. It’s comprehensive protection in case anything goes wrong. I never go on a trip without it as I’ve had to use it many times in the past. I’ve been using World Nomads for ten years. My favorite companies that offer the best service and value are:
Looking for the best companies to save money with?
Check out my resource page for the best companies to use when you travel! I list all the ones I use to save money when I travel – and I think will help you too!
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Posted: 1/23/2020 | January 23rd, 2020
If you’re like me, you know how hard New Year’s resolutions are to keep. “New year, new you” starts with the best intentions, but after a couple of months, it’s back to new year, old you.
Old habits die hard, but they can be broken if they are replaced with good ones.
We’re at the start of a new year (and decade), so — as someone who loves a good cliché — I’m going to use this time to build the habits that create a better version of me.
After many years of trying (and writing copious and annoying blog posts about it), last year I finally slowed my travels and moved to Austin. I have a furnished apartment, plants (only two have died so far!), and a recently purchased car (my first ever!).
My days are filled with routine. I wake up, make breakfast, head to WeWork, go to the gym, head home, read, cook dinner, read some more, and go to bed.
My life is the proverbial suburban 9-to-5 I tried to escape from for so many years.
And, for the first January in years, I’m not on the road.
I’ve been enjoying it so much I’ve even begun to dread heading to the airport the same way children dread the dentist.
I used to think routine was a bad thing. It was the thing that killed spontaneity and adventure.
But I’ve come to learn that routine actually creates the framework for excitement and adventure. By scheduling my days and following a routine, I can ensure that I make time for what’s important and for all the things I want to do and goals I hope to accomplish.
So I wrote a list of things to do this year called “Stop Being Boring” with all the things I want to do while in Austin this year: get out more, volunteer, attend city council meetings (first one is next month!), join some social clubs to meet new people, host more meet-ups, and explore more of the city. Now that I have a car, I also plan to see more of Texas and the American South.
Rather than try to read more, I’m going to be a reader.
Rather than try to go to the gym, I’m going to be the person that does.
While I’ve already made some good strides toward eating better and going the gym, the true test will be when I start traveling in February. Will I fall back into old habits? Maybe. But I’m motivated to break them.
This year is also going to be all about focus for me.
I want to focus on work without getting sidetracked by phone calls or Facebook, so I can end my workday earlier.
The internet makes it easy to stretch it from four productive hours to ten unproductive ones, especially when you work for yourself. Now I’m already sitting, undistracted from my tasks, and getting them done quicker!
Next month, I’m going to Hawaii and Taiwan for three weeks before heading back to Paris and Berlin. In the summer, when the weather in Austin is too unbearable, I’m thinking about the Balkans, and maybe some of the ’Stans in the fall. And then in November, I’d like to finally get to Peru.
And while I’ll travel less this year, what trips I do take will be done with more focus. As they say, what’s old is new again, and this year, I’m going to travel without my computer again. Last year, all my travels were just a backdrop for work — and that’s not how I want to see the world.
